God and we

I used to think of me as an angel. 

After being married and dealing with people to whom I get irritated without much reason , I have to admit that I am no angel.

I believe in being good to the poor, helping them financially as much as I can.

I ve always seen amma and achan doing that. I ve never seen them refuse a loan to a maid or a vendor . 

A lot of them misuse the trust, but they still continue to be the same. 

I tease amma about it, she pays the fish mongers extra , the ladies coz they are always in debt and trouble . 

Many a time we lose a good supply of fish coz the lady cannot pay amma and she stops visitng our house.

Amma for that matter does not ever expect that anyone poorer than her has to return the money.

Well, yes , many find that silly and foolish of amma . 

On the other hand she never forced me to pray, she never tells me that today is Akshaya tritiya ..have a bath before u have a morsel of food.

My laws are framed that way.. I understand and believe that there maybe logical angles to fasting. 

I mean , today is a monday, girls should not have rice at night.. says the MIL. 

I do not uinderstnad that logic.

I can only take it as a rule that was set by the grand daddys bcoz say the moon was closest to the earth, digestion wud be less on this day , so eat less.. 

And then there were many who wudnt obey and then they put in the name of god. 

But with each passing day I hear more and more such rules. They make new ones every year I guess. 

On the day of Vishu.. they woke me up at 3 am ... took me to the Kani and yeah I opened my eyes.. ok so far. I said a quick prayer in my head .. 

No that was not enough. MIL asked me .. sit down .. touch all the gods..pray like this..pray like that..pray for that.. and then the crowd sat around to judge how I was praying.

I could not. I pretended to. But I had the fake look in my eyes. 

I cannot understand why prayers and god have to be associated with dignity as it is coming to be. IfI pray lots. I am good.

People praying to get attention. People boasting about on how much they pray. God !!! 

My in-laws on the other hand are not so bad. But this  trait really puts me off. 

I want to tell out loud that u need to be a good human being .. The God that I beleive is not one of us. 

I cannot imagine him telling me.. see u ate non veg on a monday evening in 2012. So u go to hell. there that s the way.

U touched me when u had a period. Go go..hells the place for u.

OMG!!!