Yesterday I cried...

Yesterday I cried ,
You must have been relieved to see
The softer side...

Yesterday we fought again..  You called me names, which to you was just a normal one..pandaara something.. But I cringed.

Not that my marriage is on the rocks.. its all coz we fought yesday and I am all against him today

I have never blamed you for all the foolish decisions , for all those monetary losses. I ve always told you that mistakes are a part of life.

But what I cannot accept is how you blame me when you make a mistake

Today morning P woke up with a running nose. You told every1 that its coz I forced you to take him for the night outing yesday. When confronted, your argument was that we went out coz I didnt like being at home. It was not coz u desperately wanted to watch the movie.

You did not speak about the ice cold sugarcane juice that you forced him to drink despite me scowling at you.

You and I have similar jobs. I reach home early, i come at noon , i play with him, i spent all my time for him. And you have your life , your frens , those afternoon lunches, those late chillouts. I do not want you to leave all that for P and me. I would neevr suggest that coz then you wud be a irritating guy stranded at home. But there is some respect that I deserve for all this. GIve that and I will be happy and jumping .
Its ur choice, give that respect or find faults with each and every thing. You choose the latter , its making my life hell
No, it as making my life hell. I came out of the hell coz I wanted to try to be happy with you. With you whom I chose as my life partner.
I came out. Then I asked for some moments where I can be my bubbly self.
You took me out yesday to have fun. We went the the toy shoppy as P calls it and P had his time. You had yours, on the phone with frens..  After those calls, you were tired and dozed off in the toy shoppy. I sat and waited..bored stiff . COuldnt read coz u asked me to keep an eye on him
We had an hour left for the movie. We went to the car where you slept while I played with P and tried to make him sleep.
Thats when I lost my cool.
And thats when you said you are human and lost your cool. THats when u called me a pandaara something
And thats wat I couldnt come in terms with , till now..though u said sorry later.

Hope.. Hope.. wish ..wish

I feel lonely..lon ..lon lon lon lonely....

I really do feel lonely..

I feel out-of-date w.r.t technology

I feel I am a good for nothing tech lead coz my developers are doign stuff at such a fast rate

I feel stressed and real real stressed over the baby's illness.

I hope he gets over the bouts of ashtma..

I hope he will not have to suffer with no games and no fun at school like his mommma coz of the illness

I wish I could cook.

I wish and wish for a lot of compliments, yes I am a LEO

I dont wanna go to the fake smiles and hellos functions to be held tomo

I want fun, I want to get over the stress, I want to be carefree and happy..like I was .. I dont remmeber when

Tomato Chutney and Friday Blues

Friday Evening Blues :

The restlessness is really getting on to me. Not having enough work to do "at office" is wonderful to look at .. but on a closer look - it makes you so restless and drains your energy . Those small little tasks take so much time , the negative thoughts rush in, none of those blogs look interesting anymore .. they will soon be once those requirements start coming in for the new phase of the project.

On the home front - I really wish I could cook more often. A week of no "in-laws" or "helpers" really does wonders.
Yes, I love to sleep late but its a wonderful sense of satisfaction and pride when I cook , wash , rush to office, take care of all the baby needs and rush rush rush again.

A wonderful chutney for mommas like me who want a quick and healthy breakfast ..

1 medium onion sliced thin- The size really doesnt matter but it didnt feel good to write 1 onion. ! 1 medium onion gives the feel that I really know wat I am talking about.
1 tomato -- Again , size doesnt matter. This chutney tastes good anyway
1 teaspoon til - ellu- sesame seeds
3 cloves garlic
A few sprigs of curry leaves (more the better if you are a south indian)
6 dry red chillies ( this one depends on how much heat you can tolerate, i found this medium spicy.. but my spice tolerance is on the higher side)

Heat enough oil , 2 teaspoons maybe, add the til seeds and the onion , red chilly and the garlic. Saute till onion turns pink and soft..  Add the curry leaves and tomato chunks.

Optional :At this stage you can add a handful of coconut if you want a different chutney.. now lets stick to the original recipe..

Cool the mixture, grind in mixer till its one whole pasty mass..

You can drizzle some oil (yes coconut oil- if u are a mallu like me) over it if you find its too hot for you..

THis chutney was a hit at home and foolproof.. Even I got it right the first time. :)

the bed of roses , or is it?

There was a time when I wanted to marry , have kids, a career and live the life like every1 does. Sometimes i wish I stayed that way. But now I ve changed.

I dont understand the need to get married. As a girl living in a small town/city (?) the lack of freedom to move around.. the taboos and the hawk eyes luring around everywhere .. I began to feel bored and left out after a certain point. All the frens I cherished and shared the wavelength with moved out or got married..and it was no fun to be alone in this city .. and with hoardes of relatives around it was no fun either.

FOund my man or so I felt.. got married and realized that the cliched "love before and life after" holds true to a certain extend.

Of late I came across few blogs and people who decided not to have kids. I can undertsnad them , I can understand why they chose so.

I also come across girls who do not want to get married. No one asked me for an advise, but I wanna shout it out.. dont marry till the right one comes along.. and dont decide that he is the right one , coz  u are lonely,coz he is fun and its boring elsewhere, or for such odd reasons...  Marry him coz both of u want to be together. If he is fun to be with , if he cares about u like he does his frens and his parents, if he is adamant that u have to get along with his parents and u can then go ahead... life is nto so simple ...

Nowhere in the world...

I think the "30" stuff got into me. I got a new haircut and I attribute it to the 30's

THe new workplace, the lack of lambda sharing frens , the need to look more hep... a growing frsutration at this dull life..

Oh yes , i ve a lil brat to boast about.. but beyond that I ve no life.. And to make it worse the papa has a fun filled life with events after events with his own gang of male frens .

Ah!! I wish I could focus on somethign rather than blabber about this lack of activity

I wish I would bake more

I wish I wud be more brisk and quick in the chores I do.

I wish and wish but liefe is going nowhere...

30... hmmmmph I am growing up

The past few months saw me changing drastically... I turned 30... I was always the bubbly bubbly gal , rushing around... crying and cribbing coz PranavPapa went blasting with frens without me...

The past few months saw me changing ..for better or worst?? better for him , the papa, but somewhere I feel I lost that youthfullness...

I didnt miss him when he went to chennai for a few days last month,. I was seriously upset coz I thought we were falling out of love...  there was a phase when I started to love him less... but now we are in a different kind of love... We never were mushy mushy... we never were romantic... but now we are turnign into the "Grown UP" love phase...

And I feel the 20 something kids boring now.. i find them silly.... weeee weeee I dont wanna grow up.. bu yes I have...

The first one

For the past few weeks or maybe months or has it been years , I ve been blaming a lot many things on why I could not keep my blogs updated. The work, the baby , the lack of a good laptop and wat more.

Within me , I guess its more because I cannot write as beautifully as I want to :)

Maybe someday I would write interesting stuff like the bloggers I love to read :) And they do so so effortlessly... Someday I would take pics of those stuff I cook and post it ... I need to be more focussed ..yeah.. wish me luck...